I have to start by being completely honest here. I had no desire at all to watch the Grammy Awards last night, and I did not watch the entire show. There was a little bit of friendly persuasion involved, and I am glad I got to see what I did. It was very educational. That is really all the set up that is needed.
The Top 10 Things I Learned While Watching the Grammy Awards!
10 – It is possible to stop Kanye West
I am pretty sure Taylor Swift was looking over her shoulder every time she took the stage to accept an award, but she was in luck, there were no interruptions. I was hoping that Kanye had developed a sense of control, but it appears that to make sure he did not make a fool of himself yet again, he skipped the night all together. Although if you caught the look on Nicole Kidman’s face when Taylor won for Best Country Album, you could tell she was wishing Kanye had been there.
9 – Stephen Colbert is funny, but predictable.
So, who didn’t know Stephen Colbert was going to ask his daughter if he was cool now after winning his Grammy for Best Comedy Album. I actually found his opening monologue very funny, but it didn’t seem to play as well to the crowd. It is easy to laugh out loud at the controversial stuff when the only other person there to hear you laugh is sitting on the red couch next to you, also giggling. And listening to the third whitest man on the planet diss Jay-Z was quite enjoyable to me. (Just to clarify, I am officially the second whitest man on the planet, and my use of the word diss even in writing was somewhat awkward. According to some sources, Tim Gunn is the whitest man on the planet, but these same sources tell me he still has more street cred than I do.)
8 – I want to party with Kings Of Leon
If any one group was completely unprepared to have their name called, it was Kings Of Leon. Their self admitted drunken acceptance of the Record of the Year Award made them the top of my want to party with list. There are two types of drunks in the world, Fun Drunks and Messy Drunks. They proved that they are indeed Fun Drunks, and I have sent them an official Facebook invitation to the Super Bowl Party next Sunday at Finley Dunne’s. If you don’t know where Finley Dunne’s is, you are obviously not cool enough to hang out with Kings Of Leon.
7 – Green Day doesn’t need to guest star on Glee
One of Stephen Colbert’s better received jokes summarized that you know you have made it when they cover your song on the choir inspired show Glee. Little did he know, Billie Joe Armstrong already beat him to the punch with his Rent inspired American Idiot: The Musical. I am assuming that the members of Green Day did not come up with this idea on their own, but in my opinion, they have lost all standing as a “punk” band with this move. The production number itself was really quite good, and the stage singers actually did a very nice job blending in with the band, but there is nothing more mainstream than a Broadway Musical. It was always one of my biggest complaints about Rent. How anti-establishment can you be when you’re catering to the rich well to do crowd you are supposedly rebelling against. I will bet my house we will never see a musical based on the songs of The Ramones or The Clash.
6 – Beyonce’ is Hot
Ok, so maybe this is not news to the rest of the world, but remember, I am the second whitest man on the planet. Beyond that, she is also very talented. I did not know that song she sang, and I got the eye roll from Maureen when I asked if it was a new song. I was also not too crazy about the whole crotch grab thing. It seemed a little awkward and forced. Again Maureen, who knows much more about these things than I do, seemed to think it was some sort of tribute to Michael Jackson. The entire number was very impressive. Before this, the only thing I knew about Beyonce’ is that she used to be in a group called Destiny’s Child, and that according to those same sources, she does not moonlight as Rihanna. Personally, I have never been in the same room with both of them at the same time, so until I do I will still have my doubts. But there is no denying that the woman has some major talent. And luckily a lot of double-sided tape.
5 – Playing with Gaga will get you burnt
Did you see poor Elton John? He got out flamed in more ways than one. The opening number was interesting to say the least, but it should have put to rest any of those lingering rumors that Lady Gaga is not all lady. I was going to post a picture here to illustrate my point, but it was too uncomfortable for me to even look at it. Let’s just say there is a camel somewhere missing a foot. I was really going to try to do this list without mentioning Gaga, but something just seemed wrong about that. Her presence is too difficult to miss, even if her act has the draw of an accident on the Autobahn. When it calmed down to just her and Sir Elton and the pianos, it was a nice duet. But that lady is one serious freak.
4 – Pink has a future with Cirque du Soleil
My like or dislike of Pink runs very hot and cold. There are a number of her songs that I have enjoyed even if it took me a while to figure out that the lyrics were not as bouncy and fun as the songs themselves. But as of late, it seems her music is overly obsessed with her ex-husband Carey Hart. I understand that as an artist one must draw from their feelings and current emotions can direct the creative stream, but it seemed like almost every song was about the destruction of their relationship. That aside, I have to admit that Pink gave the most impressive performance of the night. Even more amazing when you realize she was working without a net or a safety harness. If she did have some sort of safety devise somewhere, it was so well hidden that the illusion of danger was never broken. And unless the wireless devise strapped to her shoulder was an illusion also, she did it without lip syncing.
3 – I have deep sympathy for Michael Jackson’s children
Bare with me a little on this one, it may not come out the way I intend. Certainly, one would have sympathy for any child who has lost a parent, but in this case their loss has been so public that it is going to have a lasting effect on their lives. Normally, I would find myself not commenting on people who were born into such privilege. They tend to not be in true contact with the normal world that the everyday folks live in. Yes, these kids will be well cared for financially for the rest of their lives, but at what cost. Because of who Michael Jackson was, and all the controversy that surrounded him, these kids lives are already messed up. There was almost something creepy about the way his oldest son talked about his father’s message of love. It is almost as if the “handlers” have already gotten a hold of these kids, and they are preparing them for some sort of career in the industry already. There are so many unanswered questions about their father and their own lives that the tabloids are looking to find the answers to. Their lives will never be normal. I feel bad for them. They are not in for an easy life.
2 – If you mention Taylor Swift and Stevie Nicks doing a duet, my TV magically changes over to the Food Network.
I am not going to name names, but it seems that someone in our house really does not like Stevie Nicks, and just the thought of having to watch her and Taylor swift on stage together was enough to end our night with the Grammy Awards. Even without the upcoming music that was promised, it probably was about the end of my Grammy night anyway. It was almost nine o’clock already, and we had been out late the night before at a wedding, so my eyes were already starting to sag just a little. There did come one time in the show when I knew I was just too old for the new music crowd. As they were announcing the nominees for Best New Artist, Maureen and I looked at each other and realized we didn’t know who any of these people were. I also didn’t really mind that the change came when it did, because we normally watch Wost Cooks in America on Sunday night, but I fell asleep before I found out if Fern made it to the finals. (Side Note: If you have been watching the show, there is not a contestant named Fern. That is just the name I have given to the little jewish lady with the big glasses. She looks just like this girl I knew in college named Fern Evans. Sorry for the confusion.)
1 – I have had my fill of Black Eyed Peas
Especially the tall long-haired guy who does his best impression of Zoolander every time he finds the camera. Does he even really add anything to the band? I have had the pleasure of seeing them perform several times on various award shows, and I can’t figure out why this guy is even up there. If I were the texting type, I would have had to send out a WTF to all my friends at the end of that performance. Once again, I understand that I am the second whitest guy on the planet, but did anyone find that performance good? To make maters worse, what were those dancing pink things behind them on stage? Please excuse me for being a little blunt, but they looked like giant parts of a woman’s body that rhymes with the name Dolores. I have given the Black Eyed Peas enough of a chance. I am done with them, and I do not feel satisfied at all.