1. Wow, 101. That’s a lot.
2. Is it just me, or does anyone else get a little nervous when they notice a Toyota behind them on the highway?
3. Baseball Season is just around the corner. Opening Day is April 5th.
4. Was it really necessary to make yet another adaptation of Alice In Wonderland? Just listen to the Jefferson Airplane song. You get the whole thing summed up in less than three minutes.
5. First it’s a candy, then it’s a gum. But wait, didn’t that just make it a gum in the first place. Hey, all these years later and suddenly I’m feeling a little ripped off by the Razzles people.
6. If I ever get the urge to do some cleaning around the house, I just watch that show Hoarders, then I think, “At least my place is not that bad.”
7. The last time I saw a movie in a theater, it was No Country for Old Men, and Maureen hated it so much she reminds me of it any time we talk about going to a movie. This would be one of the reasons why we have not been back to the theater in so long. That and the fact that the two of us go toes up by 9 each night.
8. I can’t remember the last time I hear the song Undercover Angel by Alan O’Day, but for some reason I can still remember the all lyrics.
9. Somewhere in the world, there has to be a giant stack of black Chuckles, because no one I know has ever eaten one. Well, maybe my father.
10. I would have no problem accepting a bronze metal because someone else made a dumb mistake and got disqualified. But I would probably stop short of wearing it around my waist and having people kiss it.
11. For someone who works with the public on a day-to-day basis, it is amazing how much I dislike people.
12. Is there anyone outside the city of Chicago who has any idea who Aliotta, Haynes and Jeremiah are? And even in the city, only those who are over 40 probably have any idea who they are.
13. Note to self: Don’t make obscure music references in your blog. Only David Peryam ever seems to catch them.
14. It has been brought to my attention that Maureen took me to an awful lot of wedding before I finally got the hint, but that I only seem to bring her to funerals. I sure hope she doesn’t think I’m dropping some sort of hint too.
15. “If you want to destroy my sweater, pull this thread as I walk away”
16. Scientifically, the human body is more than 60% water, but today I believe mine is 90% snot.
17. While driving on the expressway, when you come across that jack-ass, slow-poke driving in the center lane, odds are I am the car right behind him.
18. If it were not for Tiger Woods, we would probably still be hearing way too much about Jon and Kate.
19. Snow in January and February is cool. Snow in March and April sucks.
20. Crap! I’ve lost my glasses. Again.
21. I’m not really sure who Sam Worthington is, but in my book, he is no Harry Hamlin.
22. It is going to be a close race right to the end. Which will last longer? My car, or my car payment?
23. The Chicago Sun-Time ranked Frank Thomas as the greatest White Sox player of all time. I would say I would have to agree with that. The number 35 will be retired at the ballpark on August 29th.
24. Jameson on the rocks. Mmmm. Now that’s a tasty drink.
25. Never trust a vegetarian when they tell you something taste just like meat. For God’s sake, they wouldn’t know meat if it bit them on the ass.
26. Has it really been twenty years since The Adventures of Ford Fairlane was released? Do you think there is still hope for a sequel?
27. Thanks to Bernadette, I will never forget that 02134 is a zip code in Boston, Massachusetts.
28. Easter is the season of Reese’s Peanut Butter Eggs!
29. Is Adrienne Barbeau still considered a “working” actress? She was really at her best in Escape from New York. But she was not in The Warriors. That was the girl from Too Close for Comfort. She kind of dropped off the face of the Earth.
30. NyQuil has just never been the same since they took the phenylephrine out of it. I could really use a double dose of the old formula tonight.
31. Just what part of slower traffic keep right is so freaking hard to understand???
32. “The time has come for us to lay it all down, there can be no more denying, if I can’t have you I’m dying, a little more every day.”
33. I should probably start some sort of work out program soon. Or I could just be that real fat guy at my own wedding. I am strangely ok with that.
34. Did Meg Madden really say she like the song Who Let the Dogs Out?
35. That whole penny for your thought thing is really seeming not worth it at this point.
36. Well, the bank wants its money for the house, and the hospital wants its money for the x-rays. I guess the house wins. What is the hospital going to do? Re-break Alex’s thumb?
37. Is Adam Rich ready for a comeback? I’m pretty sure Willie Aames is available for the Eight is Enough reunion. That is unless he is working on the Charles in Charge: The Movie.
38. That smell is not me. Is it?
39. I am not really sure what all the big fuss was about with the Canadian women’s hockey team celebrating with alcohol after they won their gold medal game. I’m pretty sure most of the curling teams are drinking during their matches.
40. It is probably not such a good thing when crap squirts out of your eye when you sneeze.
41. I find it more entertaining to picture Kathy Bates singing the Taylor Swift song You Belong to Me in the style of Annie Wilkes from Misery.
42. “I think somebody better put out the big light, cause I can’t stand to see you this way.”
43. Marney’s blog is so much better than mine. Mom always did like her better.
44. The whole no meat on Friday thing seems a little unfair as far as the vegetarians are concerned. I think they should be forced to eat at Fogo de Chao each Friday.
45. In my opinion, since our society has gotten so lazy that we don’t even get out of the car when we order food, I believe we have forfeited our right to complain if the order is wrong. Just eat what they give you and shut up. They only make minimum wage and there will be another fast food joint a half mile down the road anyway.
46. Does anybody actually use that little nail file thing on the back of the clippers? And picking your teeth doesn’t count.
47. I have taken a liking to the young adult books at the library. The print is bigger and I finish them quickly.
48. Other than Boy George, can anyone name the rest of Culture Club? And does anybody really care?
49. Without a doubt, hands down, Hal Jordan was by far the best Green Lantern.
50. When I came up with this whole concept, I thought it was going to be a lot easier than this. I’m only half way there and my mind has gone blank. I was sure there was a bunch more worthless information crammed in here somewhere.
51. “Do you mind if we dance with your dates?”
52. I wish video games were more simple. Whatever happened to just playing Mario Brothers or Zelda?
53. Remember when the only thing on television on Sunday mornings was church for shut-in and The Magic Door. Only we didn’t know it was a Jewish program. We just liked that it wasn’t church.
54. My parents used to have the best parties. My mom called it “Club” but it was really an excuse to shut all the kids in the basement and drink.
55. Please tell me I did not see that Cyndi Lauper was going to be on the next Celebrity Apprentice. Isn’t it bad enough that our former Governor has staked his claim on Reality TV. Does his defence fund really count as a charity?
56. Just for fun, I would like to hear Apolo Ohno sing Be My Yoko Ono while the real Yoko Ono speeds around an ice track wearing those extra long gold skates.
57. I hope the economy recovers soon. I’m tired of being poor. Oh,wait. I was still poor before the economy took a dump. I’m just tired of all these other poor people hanging around with me now.
58. Calvin and Hobbes still cracks me up.
59. Whenever anyone asks me if Maureen and I are planning to have kids, I always tell them in great details the effort it would take to reverse the vasectomy. They tend to stay away from me after that.
60. “I can’t stand to see you sad, I can’t bear to hear you cry, if you can’t tell me what you need, all I can do is wonder why.”
61. When it comes right down to it, is there really anything better than a Double Stuffed Oreo Cookie?
62. I just want to win the lotto. Is that really too much to ask for?
63. According to Molly, Koala Bears have bad breath. I hope to never get close enough to find out.
64. The whole point of a bone in a pork chop is to give you something to hold. Don’t look at me funny when I eat a chop with my hands. Do you eat a chicken leg with a fork and knife?
65. When I was 15, Jimmy Schmitz and I snuck into an R rated movie at The Ogden 6 Theater. It was the movie S.O.B. by Blake Edwards. Julie Andrews was officially the first naked boobie I ever saw.
66. “Hong Kong Phooey, number one super guy. Hong Kong Phooey, quicker than the human eye.”
67. Ok, so there is this really big iceberg, and it crashes into a glacier somewhere near Antarctica, breaking off a large piece creating another really, really big iceberg, and some glaciologist named Neal Young, who is not the same guy who sang Rockin’ in the Free World, is concerned that this could affect the level of oxygen in the oceans. And this means what? I have a feeling that in the whole history of the world, this is not the first time two giant piles of ice have collided.
68. I wonder how many potatoes I have actually eaten in my lifetime?
69. Spring training has begun, and Jermaine Dye has still not hooked up with a new team. Is it a sign of the times? Has age caught up with him? Is he being too picky about where he wants to play? It would be a real shame to see his career end like this.
70. Don’t tell Molly, but I actually quite enjoy the Disney Channel cartoon Phineas and Ferb. I have actually laughed out loud while watching it on more than one occasion. But this in no way excuses them for Hannah Montana.
71. Ok, I can admit it. Cross Country skiing does not make for good TV.
72. U2 made over $108 million dollars last year. That is an awful lot of money. Do you think they would mind if I borrowed a couple million. It’s not like they really need it.
73. Growing up, my mom drank Coke, and my dad drank Pepsi. I am not sure how it happened, but my favorite cola is Dr. Pepper. And not the diet stuff. I need all the sugar.
74. My favorite episode of The Partridge Family was the one where Danny was convinced he was adopted, and went on to search for his real family. The song they sang in that episode was Point Me in the Direction of Albuquerque.
75. I found an interesting climbing flower for our garden this year called a Passion Flower. Maureen hopes I never describe her as interesting.
76. When the doctor told me to get plenty of fluids, I have a feeling his intention was not that I could come home and drink four cups of coffee. I might have to balance it with a shot of whiskey later.
77. I have absolutely no desire to ever run a marathon. I don’t even like run to the toilet.
78. I am a sucker for competition cooking shows. Top Chef and Chopped are great, but I prefer the original Iron Chef. Half the fun is the dubbed voices.
79. After more than 35 years, Carly Simon finally revealed that the subject of You’re So Vain was not Warren Beatty or James Taylor or Cat Stevens, but record executive David Geffen. I think I like the song better when I didn’t know.
80. So, what exactly is the point behind the ten Academy Award nominations for best picture? All the other categories still only have five nominations, and it really weakened the field. It is not like District 9 really has a chance here.
81. I really miss the days of the Saturday morning cartoon. And the best was when each network would do a preview of the new cartoon season the Friday night before. You would have to flip back and forth to figure out which station had the best line-up.
82. Even with all this modern technology, there is really nothing better than a good game of Jenga
83. I have to admit that I really don’t understand the whole women and shoes thing. I don’t wear clothes that are uncomfortable, why would I put anything on my foot just because it was so cute and matched my purple purse.
84. I have still got about six months to try and piss off as many people as possible. We have got to get that wedding list down to just 200.
85. Each night when I come through the font door, I remind myself that I still need to take down the outdoor Christmas lights. But I don’t think they start fining you until the snow melts.
86. I got a note from the school that I need to send in more lunch money. Do these kids really need to eat every day?
87. I don’t recall ever watching The Brady Bunch in prime time even though I am clearly old enough to have done so, but thanks to WFLD-32 in Chicago I have seen every episode as after school re-runs.
88. Maybe I am being pig-headed, but I still have no desire to see Sandra Bullock in The Blind Side even if she wins the Oscar.
89. I really don’t need to add any fiber to my diet. There is no possible way I could be any more regular.
90. If you had told me ten years ago I would be where I am today, I wouldn’t have believed it. But now that I’m here I can honestly say I am happy with how things turned out. This is not to say I wouldn’t change a few things if I could, but if there is anything I have learned from Marty McFly, it is don’t go mucking around with the Space-Time Continuum.
91. “If you could see that I’m the one who understands you, been here all along, so why can’t you see”
92. Dammit!!!! Taylor Swift is the Anti-Christ!
93. I really wish my nose would make up its mind. The whole which nostril is going to work now game is getting a little tiring.
94. If I were a betting man, my money would be on me never jumping into a lake when there is still ice on the surface.
95. It is hard to believe that Rick Springfield actually had five top ten hits. This would explain why he can still pack them in at the county fair.
96. The tomato plants have started to sprout. Spring can not be that far away.
97. It is great that my son saved for two years to buy himself an I-Pod Touch, but it would be nice to have a conversation with him without having to get his attention first. I don’t think he has looked up in three months.
98. I am so proud. Molly’s class will be singing Don’t Stop Believing for the Spring music concert.
99. I watched a man get his nose hair waxed on TV. Was that really necessary? That little round trimmer thing was just not good enough?
100. As with many young men in their twenties, I went through a stage where I chose to go commando. This is not a good idea. I have the scar to prove it.
101. I wonder if I can get everyone who reads this to send me $1.01?